MOVED

WAN

2011-12-12T23:37:00.003+08:00

I dont know why all of a sudden I remembered you tonight. Maybe its just because I hate you so much or just because maybe it's the 12/12 today and for "some" reason, this particular date reminds me of you, whatever the reason may be, I still hate your guts even though it has been 18 whole months that things between us happened or didnt happen, I still cant get over the fact that I was so stupid in believing your stupid ass the first place. So this isnt actually about you, its about my stupidity, combined with your heinous and horrible self plus my extreme stupidity again for actually thinking you were a descent human being.

I still cant get over the fact of why I let myself be drowned in your sea of crap and bullshit all over again and thinking you were actually the one I wanted. Why I even consider making you apart of my life. I was so stupid for chasing you again and again while you just lie to my face and ignore me like I'm just a piece of shit.

I finally got over you and your crap after six whole months of being tortured and miserable. Waking up everyday was like a god damn marathon of missing you and being lonely, and the worst thing is, you actually know that you were doing this to me, you actually know that I was practically dying because you tore me apart into ways uncountable. I was broken, I looked at myself as a failure, as something not worthy for anyone. And all along you knew all of this, you knew.

I got tired of you, everything about you was wearing me out and I just got tired. But being you, you still had the courage to talk to me. Still had the courage to call me? To text me? For what? You're truly a masterpiece.

x ada pendirian.

pengecut.

penipu.

cheater.

another random update

2011-10-29T23:58:00.002+08:00

tangan terasa amat rajin utk mengisi ruangan putih ini. hee =)

lebih kurang 10 hari lg final exam akan bermula, fuhhh i am so not ready for this. semester ni agak berat bg aku sbb kami suda start belajar pasal ubat. ubat bukan setakat ubat, kami msti tau cara dia btindak, apa kesan pada badan, apa interaksi dia dgn ubat lain, siapa x bole makan, siapa bole mkn tp dgn cautious, apa nama dia d pasaran, and the list goes on, byk org asal dgr farmasi igt keja senang setakat bg ubat, but no, kami mesti tahu the roots utk ubat tu. setiap ubat ada pengkelasan dia, setiap dos ada kesan nya, bukan semua ubat itu bagus and xda ubat yang xda kesan thadap badan. so sebelum anda telan panadol byk2, fikirkan lah ttg liver anda yg bsusah payah utk memecahkan ubat itu dan seterusnya disebarkan ke anggota badan, makin byk anda makan, makin byk keja liver, kalau liver makin byk workload maka kecenderungan anda utk mengalami liver impairment adalah lebih tinggi. hehe! mgkin kesannya xkan terasa hari ni, tp esok lusa masa umur suda meningkat, barulah terasa komplikasi nya, hehe

sem ni kira mcm short sem, sbb byk cuti, mula2 cuti raya gabung dgn cuti midsem which is two weeks, the cuti deepavali 3 hari, pasni cuti raya haji plak. tmbh tolak darab bahagi semua sem ni x smpai 6 bulan, maybe 4 months ++ ja. thats why everything mesti cepat, msti catch up, cam tcungap cungap mau study semua nya. and knowing me, everything pun bt last minute.

minggu ni cuti diwali 3 hari, kbykan org lain ambil peluangg ni dduk dlm bilik simpan duit elaun dan study, but kami the gang ada plan lain, which issssssssssssssssssss, jejakkan kaki ke genting and enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyy smpai gila. well aku xla enjoy sgt, dlm 11 ride yg ada, aku naik 4 ja, haha. that day rollercoaster dia yg paling gerun which is cyclone tutup, so aku naik space shot, corkscrew, and that bulat2 thing yg pusing2 tu (twice) and and flying dragon, pastu kami naik paddle boat, yg lain mls mau naik sbb bdk2 punya, malu la hehe, go kart x pegi sbb x pndai takut kena lnggar arab -__- and flying coaster x naik sbb kena byar rm10, so yeahhh, rugi jgak laa. unlike kwn2 aku yg lain, drg naik 10 out of 11 yg ada, including the tea cup, marigold round (yg kuda2 tu), yg gajah2 tu, yg pusing2 and the flying coaster of course. but pegi sana honestly we spent most time waiting in line, bbaris hmpir stgh jam but the ride 1minit ++ ja. suda la weather like crazy, kejap sejuk, kejap hujan, kejap panas, then kabus tebal, serious rasa cm d korea haha. it was a good experience, cuma ni 1st time kami pegi sana, xbyk bt prep, xbyk bawa duit, xbyk bt research, but all in all everything was goooood. but we didnt spend the night there, we went back to kl and stayed in a hotel in masjid india, which was quite nice for a cheap hotel, impressive. the next day bfore balik kami pegi layan movie at times square, all the boys wanted to watch reel steel, i slept halfway into the movie, nothing special about the movie anywayyyy. AND AND AND.......

the bf bought me a HUGE HUGE teddy bear!! the story behind it was very sweet but i tlalu malas to explain here so biarlah i sorg jerrrr yg syok sndri mkayyys? HAHA

soooo back to what i originally wanted to post, was about exam actually, but i totally forgot about it, so yeah id probably just stop right here, kbyeee :D

wow an update -,-

2011-10-17T21:18:00.003+08:00

Tiba tiba jari terasa untuk menaip sebuah post. yeah, i realised yg blog ni mash wujud dan belum delete.

life has been good so far. he's been good. very good. everytime aku tgk dia aku akan terfikir, cm mana aku boleh se-lucky begini? sangat lucky. aku sayang dia, dan aku yakin, dia sayang aku. dia berbeza dgn lelaki-lelaki yg pernah singgah d hati aku dlu, sungguh. you know that feeling, when he promised he'd do something, or just when he promised he'd call, but he didnt, and you kept waiting and waiting and everything just seem wrong and you just dont feel right, that lump in your heart knowing that he'd never call, but you just kept waiting and hoping. yeah hoping for something, that feeling? i never felt that with him. not once has he made me feel worthless. and yes, we do fight, a lot, sometimes for a few minute, a few a hours and even one day straight. but one thing i learnt, to keep a relationship strong, you just to push away your ego's aside, cause your ego wont lead you anywhere. i always apologize first, no matter whose fault it is. aku ni jenis yg agak kuat melenting, cepat terasa, and sensitif, and kalau dia bole bsabar dgn semua perangai aku ni, knp aku x bole tolak ansur kan? yaa, tolak ansur is the word! hehe =p

its been 7 months and 12 days. and everyday still feels like the first moments i fell in love with you.

just thinking about not having you with me, not being able to talk you, not being able to hear that laugh, or those stupid jokes, makes me like i cant breathe, how can i ever manage?

i love you.